18
by The Rival
Summary: Chapter 2 up! Otto is growing up and has to make a difficult choice. As he does, he tries to imagine what could have been. (As well as what has become of a friend)More to come!
1. Introduction

18

By Larry's Joan of Arc

Yeah, I know. Eminem music in a TS fic? Weeeeird. But leave it to me to try. But believe me, this is only the beginning. Yes. Just wait. I **will** do my worst. *cackles evilly* 

****

Introduction

Do It or Die

Time was running out, and dice were rolling. Otto knew his decision would have to be made without wasting another moment, but the weight placed on him to choose made it nearly impossible. The only thing he could convince himself was that he should have been able to make this choice long ago, but he had never given it any serious thought before. "This choice I only wish I could travel to the past and change it so I never would have to make this choice."

__

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity

To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip?

"Eighteen." Otto breathed the word aloud to himself as he stared blankly up at the ceiling from where he lay on his bed. Although he knew this day would come, he had not expected the years to fly as they had. Nine years of the satellite with Tuddrussel and Larry seemed like only seconds. It felt to him as if he had only arrived the last week. Maybe it was only because the years at the orphanage had dragged by.

But in four days, Otto would turn eighteen, closing the door on his childhood. Although he would be an adult, Otto knew nothing could shut out all the memories he harbored from the days of frantic pain and loss he felt during the first half, and the delight and wonder during the second. Still, inside, he knew he was the same Otto who was so desperate to leave the life he despised so much, he traveled millions of years to do it.

__

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready

To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin

What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud

He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out

He's chokin, how everybody's jokin now

The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!

That wasn't to say that Otto didn't want to be in the position he was in. Rising from his bed, Otto paced around the room, trying to sort out his thoughts. "I have to stay. It's up to me to do this what about me? I want a real life." It was the decision that came down to the Time Squad children as they reached the pivotal age. To stay or go. A choice only they could make.

To anyone else, it would seem Otto was making too much out of a choice that seemed so simple. Only he could fully comprehend the meaning of it. He felt all eyes were on him, waiting an answer. It had once been Otto's dream to have his own Time Squad, but now after all that had happened could he commit himself to that? And he was also afraid what would happen if he gave the answer no one wanted to hear.

Stopping his anxious motion, Otto noticed the photo of himself, Larry, and Tuddrussel on the top of his dresser. Picking it up, he could see the pride in his own youthful eyes as he held out a Time Squad badge. Although he couldn't remember that particular day, he could remember the feeling; the rush it gave him simply to be there.

"Tuddrussel," Otto's voice cracked as he soulfully whispered the name. "You **are** like a father to me. I know what you want me to say." And Larry! Larry's fate was sealed if Otto didn't stay. With a new line of robots being produced specifically for Time Squads, Larry would no longer be needed. The thought of losing one of the two saviors he owed his new life to Shattering. It wasn't as if he didn't want to agree to it. He did; but didn't know if he could live without living a life of his own

When the son or daughter of a Time Cop turned eighteen, the choice was theirs: to take their mother or father's position, or leave and make a new life somewhere. And it was Otto's turn. Most stayed, simply because of their lack of experience with anything else. None had any idea how to live outside the world of the Time Squad. But Otto, having nine years in the outside world, had a taste of a real life, and almost longed to taste it again. He couldn't stop asking himself, "Why? I never knew happiness. I have no reason to go back."

__

Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity

Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked

He's so mad, but he won't give up that

Is he? No

He won't have it , he knows his whole back city's ropes

He set the picture back down, turning his head. With one hand, he pushed the flyaway hair out of his eyes. He thought he heard footsteps outside his room. "If they want a decision, I'll just tell them I don't have one yet." When no one opened his door, Otto relaxed. 

Not for long. His eyes were focused on the floor, but they slowly climbed the wall, then he found himself staring out the window across the room from where he stood. Then he found himself not looking **out** the window so much as **into **the window. In it, his reflection had formed on the starry background.

Feeling like who he was when he joined Larry and Tuddrussel half a lifetime earlier wasn't enough to make him the same Otto. It was time to realize that he was different, even if he had to stare at his reflection this way. No one could feel the sameness in him from across the years no one short of himself. 

It was hard for him to look at himself. The thought of doing so was like staring at into the sun, or at a traffic accident. He didn't want to see, because it was horrible. But nothing could pry him away.

__

It don't matter, he's dope

He knows that, but he's broke

He's so stacked that he knows

When he goes back to his mobile home, that's when it's

Back to the lab again yo

This whole rap shit

He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The catch was, he couldn't even see himself. He saw someone else. A boy, no; a man in a Time Squad uniform. This person couldn't be me, Otto told himself. I'm shivering, crumbling, falling apart, but he looks confident, assured. But whether he believed it or not, they were one and the same.

He had grown considerably, only inches shorter than Tuddrussel. In Otto's mind, he _was_ Tuddrussel's son. And he did look the part. They two had a familial impression about them, the only difference between them being Otto's young age and finer build. Must have got that from Larry, Otto chuckled to himself.

What little humor he could indulge in at the time lasted no more than a second. Otto's mind raced quickly back to the decision at hand. "This choice has to be the right one. I won't get a second chance."

__

The soul's escaping, through this hole that it's gaping

This world is mine for the taking

Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order

A normal life is borin, but superstardom's close to post mortar

It only grows harder, only grows hotter

He blows us all over these hoes is all on him

Coast to coast shows, he's know as the globetrotter

Lonely roads, God only knows

Seeing himself, and thinking about the consequences of either option, Otto grasped his stomach, feeling as if his insides had disappeared. Otto believed he understood why, "I **don't** have any guts. I can't even make my own choice. Why am I so worried over something that's my business!" 

It was perfectly clear to Otto what he could become and all he could accomplish if he stayed. The perfect present's future would be in his hands and care. The thought of that was a good one. He could live out his dream, he could spin history on the end of a string, model it the way it was meant to be. How could he tear himself from that and go back to being faceless Otto Osworth? But he would have a life and start anew as any person he wanted to be.

One thing was certain, no matter which path he chose, it would only get increasingly difficult as he made his way down it. All his life, he had been laid back, assuming that everything would just happen to fall into place. Now everything was thrown out of the comfort zone into chaos. _His_ future wouldn't just_ happen_. He would have to build it from the bottom up.

__

He's grown farther from home, he's no father

He goes home and barely knows his own daughter

But hold your nose cuz here goes the cold water

His hoes don't want him no mo, he's cold product

They moved on to the next schmoe who flows

He nose dove and sold nada

So the soap opera is told and unfolds

I suppose it's old potna, but the beat goes on

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

Going back to where he came from? "Can I still be my own person, and not just working behind the scenes?" That had concerned Otto greatly over the years. Why should I help other people shape their lives when I don't get the chance to do the same for me? It had been satisfying at one time, but the glamour had worn thin, and all that was left was a dark, empty shell.

Things weren't the same, not what they used to be. Otto knew he had seen a good life, and things would only have been worse at the orphanage. But that was irrelevant now. That was the past, and this was the present. Then the results of his choice would be the future. It would make or break what life he had known. It was obvious to him that choosing to continue the Tuddrussel legacy would be the "right" thing to do, but his question for that was, "And do I want to be Tuddrussel all over again?"

__

No more games, I'ma change what you call rage

Tear this mothafuckin roof off like 2 dogs caged

I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed

I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage

But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cipher

Best believe somebody's payin the pied piper

All the pain inside amplified by the fact

That I can't get by with my 9 to 5

"Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. But I have learned from history, and made it my life. Or have I?" Now he wasn't so sure. If I did learn from it, I would have been able to dodge this problem all together, he rebuked himself harshly.

Pausing in his self-degrading, he realized that every moment he spent doing so was a moment wasted, and a moment closer to the final hour, judgement day. The years of innocence were long gone, and this was no longer something Otto would do for his own pleasure. It would be his job. Could he still enjoy it after the transition?

There was nothing he hadn't been exposed to over the years. That left Otto wondering why, after seeing so much in such a short time, he could still be unable to picture himself either as a Time Cop, or his own man. He wanted to stay for the sake of Larry and Tuddrussel, but was that enough to keep his mind set on it?

Chances were good he would never see Tuddrussel again whether he stayed or not. The only upside to that would be knowing in his heart that he had left some sort of comfort to his surrogate father. And Larry? Whether or not they would remain together was uncertain. But continuing alone could he stand that?

Abandonment that was enough of an issue to Otto already. He had been abandoned once already. After that, he wasn't about to let it happen again. If he backed out and left, set off to make his own life now that would be one less abandonment he would have to suffer through.

__

And I can't provide the right type of life for my family

Cuz man, these goddam food stamps don't buy diapers

And it's no movie, there's no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life

And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder

Tryin to feed and water my seed, plus

See dishonor caught up bein a father and a prima donna

Baby mama drama's screamin on and

"I can't be a stagehand and the star at the same time." Otto told himself. "Tuddrussel is living proof of that." Otto understood perfectly well what could happen to him if he tried to have it both ways, as it was obvious Tuddrussel had. Still, whether or not he could see it in himself, Otto was far more in control of himself that Tuddrussel had ever been. Then again, Tuddrussel had somehow managed to turn Otto from the confused and even slightly bitter orphan he had once been into the independent man he now was.

Life had always been hard on Otto and was not about to let up. Every fibre of Otto's being told him to stay with the Time Squad, keep all its passions alive as he once had. He had no reason to want to go back to what shards of an old broken life he had once known. But no matter what he remembered or knew, what he had learned or discovered, Otto knew there was something else. Something he had forgotten, that had gotten lost in the scuffle of his younger days. Surely that was what was holding him back.

__

Too much for me to wanna

Stay in one spot, another jam or not

Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail

I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot

Success is my only mothafuckin option, failure's not

Mom, I love you, but this trail has got to go

I cannot grow old in Salem's lot

So here I go is my shot.

Feet fail me not cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment

You own it, you better never let it go

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

You can do anything you set your mind to, man

His hands rested on clenched fists. Suddenly, his heart surged heat through his veins. "Could it have been different if I had a chance to change it; if I had just nipped it in the bud? What could I have been if I stayed?


	2. Hard Knock Life

Chapter 1:

Hard-Knock Life

It seemed like it all happened overnight; his young life, joining the Time Squad, reaching this day. Most of it was a blur, everything he remembered was classified by relation. Otto could clearly recall the first mission he went on because it was the same day Larry and Tuddrussel rescued him from the orphanage. At the time, that was a dream come true. Not simply reading about history, in its abstract time and place, he was sent back to be part of it! But the more immediately potent grace of the transfer was getting away from the School for Wayward Tots

But that was irrelevant now. None of it mattered anymore, really. Or did it? In Otto's anxious state, it didn't seem to. His mind was focused on the task at hand. Getting lost in the past would get him nowhere. It was so long ago, but he could still picture the death hole. With the image imprinted on his mind, he felt he just had to go through the doors. Flopping down on his bed in burned out frustration, he envisioned moving closer to the building. Closer closer

"Otto?" 

At the sound of his name, Otto sat bolt upright on his bed. Larry was standing in the doorway, his hand on the doorframe. "God, Larry. You scared me."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to see how you were doing." Clearly, there was more to it than that.

"If you want a decision"

"Well with your birthday only days away you do need to decide quickly."

Otto stared at the floor, trying his hardest not to let himself look Larry in the eye. He couldn't bear to; but his efforts were in vain. "I just want this choice to be right."

Larry seemed to be searching for something to say, the one thing that could give Otto the nudge he needed. But his eyes dimmed and he held back. "I'm sure it will," was all he could get across. His hand slid down the doorframe, and with one final smile at Otto, he was gone. 

Once Larry was out of sight, Otto took a deep breath, as much air as his lungs would allow, then s l o w l y exhaled and fell onto his back. Staring at the ceiling again, Otto put himself into history. And this time, it wasn't just the detached life of someone else who lived and died millenniums earlier, it was his own history. He shut his eyes restfully, and a subtle smile crossed his face.

A mist seemed to clear, and again, Otto could see the old building: a hovel of dull red brick, slashed with sloppy graffiti. Hazily, Otto could remember being forced to clean the back wall, which had been graced with the words, "Satan's Hellions" and crude drawings of children assaulting and killing each other. In a twisted way, Otto had found the artwork amusing, but remembering that it was meant to insult him, it no longer seemed so humorous.

Not that it made any difference. As far as Otto remembered, _everyone_ thought as much of the children of the orphanage, not just phantom graffiti writers. How he had come to be at the School for Wayward Tots in the first place, he didn't know, because he had been there as far back as he _could_ remember. 

When Otto thought back his hardest, forcing his very earliest memories to come up from underground, one memory from distant years resurfaced. He was standingsitting? On the floor, staring at the front lawn of the orphanage, full of children throwing rocks and stabbing each other with sticks. Then, shifting the focus of his eyes, he was now staring at something black. As he was playing the memory through in his head, Otto didn't know how old he was or what he was now looking at.

A shift in perspective. Now Otto could see himself, not more than three years old, reaching forward with a tiny hand towards the black thing, and pulling gently. Suddenly, he knew what- - or rather who- - this was. The filigreed face of Sister Thornly peered down at little Otto down her long, hooked nose. 

Even though Otto knew that whatever was causing this interaction couldn't be a laughing matter, the sight of himself at that age made him chuckle. The horn-rimmed glasses on his baby face were a scream: his already wide eyes were magnified, making him look like nothing but eyes. And the fact that he had not even begun to grow into his head was no help.

Wide-eyed Otto stared helplessly up at Sister Thornly, his lower lip quivering. "Where's my mommy?" The plaintive question, even in the quiet voice that posed it, was not to be unheard. It wouldn't be unheard, but it wouldn't necessarily be welcome, either. 

She heaved a gusty sigh, irritated at his presence. To her, Otto had always been somewhat of a parasite: small, irritating, always following her around sucking information from her as if he was a leech, a flea, a tick, a mosquito. Sister Thornly was in no mood for this, and prepared to stop the problem at the source with her verbal swatter. "_Mommy_ had enough of you, so she dumped you here with me. She was fed up with your talking and your questions and yourhead."

"Mommy dint love me any more?" By now Otto's eyes were so wide, they looked ready to explode.

"No. She never loved you. And no one will. You'll be like all the others, here til you're finally old enough to go. Just like so many other bastard children"

Otto didn't understand what that meant, but he could tell by everything else she had said that it wasn't good. Although she continued speaking, he stopped listening, and slid down the steps to hide behind a bush and that was all. 

That became commonplace for him over the years. He would run to his leafy sanctuary every time the children were booted outside. Sister Thornly couldn't have cared; and Otto was certain she hoped he had wandered away or been hit by a car. 

Whatever she hoped, he knew he was fine as long as she didn't catch him reading. Books were the only thing stopping him from running away, along with the faint hope that he would be adopted. Once in a blue moon, when someone did adopt from the School, Otto wished with every fibre of his being that it could be him. But it never ever was.

Not that it mattered all that much now. With the life he now lived as his alternative, Otto was actually thankful for the years he suffered through at the School. He also thanked Larry's faulty software, but that was a different story altogether. Then again, had Larry and Tuddrussel not rescued him then, what would have become of him? What kind of life could he have led?

Also, if he had been adopted, there might not have been as many years to suffer through in the first place. True, most of his days there were purely torturous; but there was the odd redeeming moment. Like one day when he was probably seven or so, Otto was sitting, curled up into a fetal position behind his bush, watching the birds soar through the sky. Otto wished more than anything that he could be one of them, escape the tethers of the orphanage and sail past the firmament

The sun was blotted out from the sky by the shadow of a huge butterfly fluttering dizzily over his head. That brought him back to reality in a hurry, as well as causing him to shriek and fall backwards in surprise. Footsteps came thundering towards him - thump! Whump! Thump! Whump! Otto tried in vain to get out of the way, but the footsteps were following the butterfly's wavering path, and he was blocking it.

**__**

Crash!

Otto found himself pinned to the ground underneath the butterfly's pursuer. "Sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going," the person squeaked, quickly getting up. Looking up, Otto saw a solid little girl with dark skin and darker hair. Her round cheeks looked like the kind any self-respecting grandmother would love to pinch.

"That's okay. I shouldn't be sitting around here." Otto grinned. "But it's better than being out there." He pointed at a wolvish, grimy boy throwing rocks at a squirrel in a tree.

The girl chuckled at the sight. "Remy does that every day. I don't think that squirrel likes him!" Still watching the squirrel episode, she sat down next to Otto, who hoped that he now would have an ally, to help him get through the painful days.

"What's your name?" He asked her, looking hopeful.

"Lisha. What's yours?"

"Otto."

"So you're the one Sister's always yelling at."

"Unh-huh." Otto nodded. "For reading."

Lisha looked sad, but cute, jutting her lower lip out in a semi-pout. "I wish I could read."

"Yeah. When I read, I can go anywhere I want."

"Away from here?" Lisha was interested in that idea. "Like magic?"

"It **is** like magic!" That was something Otto had never considered before. He had never seen any part of his life as magical, in books or otherwise.

"I want to go away from here. I wish I could have followed that butterfly all the way to heaven where my mama is." Lisha's eyes sparkled, and there was just something about the way she looked at that moment that made Otto want to do anything for her.

Then, he thought of one thing. "I could read to you. We could get away from here. Even just for a little while."

That was enough. "Could you?" Lisha was thrilled with the idea. "Butbut what about Sister?"

Otto peeked through the bush at the hawk-like nun. "She doesn't have to know. I read lots of times without her catching me."

Speak of the devil sure enough, the eerie off-key wail of her whistle was followed by her raspy voice. "C'mon! Get your lazy asses in here!"

"She's calling us in for dinner. I want to stay here with you." Lisha whimpered, clutching her knees close to her chest.

"I'll see you tomorrow! We can talk more then." His words were comforting, and Lisha climbed to her feet. 

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

The two filed into the School as if they hadn't even spoken to one another.

That was one of Otto's better days, as his memory served. The strange thing was, although he could clearly picture her innocent, pudgy face, beaming with glee, her hair flying out behind her when she ran, even her voice, he hadn't remembered her until he thought of her now.

Removing his glasses and placing them carefully on his nightstand, Otto pulled off his uniform, draped it over the chair in the corner, and got in bed. The last thought that drifted through his head as he fell asleep was simple "Lisha where are you now?"


End file.
